trails

Finding Inspiration: My Journey Back Home

Life is a journey filled with unexpected twists and turns, and sometimes, it takes us to places where we least expect to find ourselves. As a mountain runner and outdoor enthusiast, I've experienced my fair share of physical challenges, but there's one hurdle that proved to be even more daunting—the struggle to find inspiration and authenticity in my own identity. Join me on this rollercoaster ride as I share my story of moving from place to place, searching for purpose, and finally finding solace and inspiration in the most unexpected of places—back home in LaLa Land.

Griffith Park 📷: @thehilaryann

Life can be unpredictable, and sometimes it feels like we're running without a destination in sight. My journey into the unknown began with a bold move—leaving my 32-year home for Bend, Oregon, amidst the pandemic's peak. Jobless and friendless, I faced the daunting task of rebuilding my life in what I thought was my dream living location. As a runner, I grappled with self-doubt and struggled to articulate my feelings in these trying times. Bend found me at a low point, with unemployment, far from loved ones, and the loss of a family member to Covid, I was beyond sad. Doubts about my move were frequent. But as our house renovations slowly transformed into a reality, I knew this chapter was coming to a close, and a bright new one was waiting to be written.

With Eamon's new job and my hope for a fresh start beyond what felt like a depressive state, we set our sights on Boulder, Colorado—a city renowned for its lively outdoor community and seriously fast athletes. Surrounded by the jawdropping vista that is the flatirons, I expected to find my way, but I still felt lost. Now, trapped in a toxic workplace and lacking deep friendships, and no real motivation to be proactive in the friend making department, I longed to rediscover the Sawna I was when I was in LA. I craved authenticity, to embody the titles of "runner" and "athlete" genuinely. Strangely, the more I sought purpose, the more it seemed to slip through my fingers.

After two years of constant movement, we finally found our way back to the City of Angels—Los Angeles. After a few months of navigating the tremulous housing market and the stress that came with it, It was here that I discovered a newfound sense of balance and belonging. The familiar sights, sounds, and energy of the city breathed life into my spirit. As I navigated the bustling streets, I realized that sometimes, we have to leave home to truly appreciate what it means to belong.

Inspiration Point 📷: @thehilaryann

In the midst of the chaos that is LA, I began to reconnect with my love for running by running all my favorite local trails. These surprisingly technical dirt paths provided a sanctuary where I could reconnect with my passion and rediscover my authenticity. It wasn't about running ultras or competing with others; it was about the joy of putting one foot in front of the other, feeling the wind on my face, smelling the sweet smell of Spanish Broom (I know, I know, it’s invasive- but it smells SO GOOD) and immersing myself in the beauty of nature. And yes, it may shock you, but LA has some beautiful trails and, gasp, nature too.

It does snow in LA 📷: @thehilaryann

Finding my way back home allowed me to find a sense of peace and belonging that had eluded me for so long. Home became more than just a physical place—it became a state of mind. It was a realization that true inspiration and authenticity come from within, and it's the sum of our experiences that shape us into the athletes and individuals we aspire to be.

Buying a house in LA was MADNESS but never thought I’d call Altadena home sweet home.

Life's journey often takes us on unexpected detours, challenging our sense of identity and purpose. As a mountain runner and outdoor enthusiast, my search for authenticity led me to new places and experiences. Through it all, I discovered that true inspiration comes from within and that sometimes, we need to return to our roots to find our true selves. So, embrace the journey, explore the unknown, and remember that sometimes the greatest adventure lies in finding your way back home.

A Grand time in the Tetons

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Grand Teton Nation Park is in northwestern Wyoming, a good 14ish hour drive from LA.

Its park is 310,000 acres that includes the major peaks of the 40 mile long Teton Range just outside of Jackson Hole. I had never explored the state of Wyoming, so when Eamon suggested we ventured in that direction for a nice birthday road trip- I jumped at the opportunity. The road trip included climbing in Maple Canyon, a popular climbing destination two hours south of Salt Lake City. After spending a few days enjoying the weird array of conglomerate rocks we headed to the Uinta mountain range, for some readers, you may recognize that as one of your favorite beers but alas! ‘Tis a beautiful mountain range in Northeastern Utah full of white peaks, alpine lakes, and stunning trails to frolic on. We didn’t spend enough time in any one spot but we did spend a couple of days in Ogden, Utah, home of Amersports or more specifically my Salomon and Suunto families home base. Ogden was our last stop before making the trek into Wyoming and let me tell you, driving into Jackson Hole I had to wipe my face from drooling over the surroundings. We originally planned on spending three days adventuring around the Tetons but weather wasn’t on our side on our last day so we decided to head out after our second days adventure to beat the rainstorm heading our way.

Our first day we spent attempting the Praintbrush loop. I say attempting because a good 70% of the trail was still under snow. An 18 mile route that sans snow would only take a mere few hours but because of the white carpet delays it took us double our expected activity time. To be honest, I’m not too upset about the length, the views were so beautiful and I was pretty fatigued after our full week of running already.

Check it out for yourself.

After our Paintbrush loop endeavor we figured it was a good time to check out the food scene in Jackson Hole and was able to score some incredible vegan pizza without having to endure most of the crowded tourist spots.

Our day two adventure was saved for Middle Teton. Because of the heat wave, the snow was quite mushy which at times could be quite frightening but for the most part it made for an easy ascent and descent from the peak without having to worry about icy sections.

This video is the first video I put together after getting my gopro, please go easy on me.

What can I say??

The Tetons blew my mind. Literally and figuratively, I definitely hadn’t been quite that high in a while that I barely could breath and the views were out of this world. I look forward to the day that I can return. We had planned on running a 50k on our final day but with a huge rainstorm coming in Saturday night and supposedly all of Sunday we decided to head to the Sierra early and spend my 32nd birthday there. It was a pretty solid plan until crossing into Idaho and the van wrapping around a deer that decided to jump onto the highway. The next week was spent in Idaho Falls while the van was being repaired and Eamon worked from the hotel room- not an experience I want a redo on.

Have you been to Grand Teton Nation Park?

If so, any tips or tricks for my next visit?

(obviously climbing the grand would be top priority)

Fun Fact: Grand Teton National Park is named for Grand Teton, the tallest mountain in the Teton Range. The naming of the mountains is attributed to early 19th century French speaking tappers- les trois tétons (the three teats) was later anglicized and shortened to Tetons.

Some photos of our road trip for you to peruse…


Till next time :)




Don't believe everything you think: Cascade Crest 100

When I think about racing these ultra distances I don’t actually think about the event itself but how I arrived to toe that starting line. I reflect on the miles of training, the highs of some runs, the lows of recovery days, the early morning wake up calls, the adapting to lingering injuries, re-assessing and addressing weekly goals and the constant motivation and support of loved ones. Without that support those miles would be inconceivable. Exploring the curiosity of running 50 miles, 100k, 100 miles is a strong driving force for me but the physical limits of the human body can override this desire all too easily. This summer I experienced something new; my body and mind continuously telling me I couldn’t achieve this race distance the weeks leading up to this endeavor yet there I was, standing at the start line, bib pinned on.

Cascade Crest 100 has been one of the races at the top of my list when first being introduced to the Central Cascade Mountains just outside of Seattle, Washington. It's no secret that most of my races revolve around the Pacific North West because of the beautiful terrain and even more incredible people; Cascade Crest was no different. 

This summer started off with a bang. My training felt solid, my body strong and my mind focused on my summer goals. I had several long training weeks and felt as though I'd recover and bounce back eager for more miles and quality time spent in the mountains. The best part was I never felt as though running was ever training but just an activity I was passionate about and was stoked to do every day. Unfortunately all of that was put on pause when I began feeling pain in my posterior tibial tendon that would increase anytime I'd run downhill and on flat hard surfaces. I was in the middle of a three week running trip in Colorado when I decided to come home early.

If not a mountain runner? Than what am I?

Rich from VFE, hes a miracle worker, fights all the knots and tightness my body has been creating!

Rich from VFE, hes a miracle worker, fights all the knots and tightness my body has been creating!

A question that surfaced all too frequently those weeks during summer that were spent not in the mountains and most importantly, not running. I vest so much of my identity in ultra running and just mountain running in general, that once it’s taken away, even momentarily, I often asked myself “Who am I if I’m not running?”. It took awhile to gain momentum again once I accepted the fact that I needed to take time away from running to regain full health. I live, breath and dream about my next running adventure, be it local mountains, the Sierra or my annual trip to Colorado, I’ve always believed that I should work hard but play harder. Spending the rest of July and August far from those mountain peaks was devastating but I still had Cascade Crest 100 at the end of August on my Calendar. Everyday I questioned whether or not I should drop from the race, if my body would be recovered from my injury by then and if I should even run it recovered without even a mile ran in the last month. I took the process day by day, found my love of cycling and swimming again and was able to spend some time outdoors climbing with my boyfriend and some friends. Although I was still active almost everyday, I felt as though a part of me was missing, I was overwhelmingly sad I wasn’t doing the thing I was most passionate about and learned to mask those feelings in hopes that I can stay positive and focus on recovering. I gave up alcohol, all forms of gluten, and only consumed whole foods that were anti-inflammatory as well as incorporated a weekly strength training as well as sport massage with Rich and Julio at VFE in hopes for a quicker recovery. I dreamed of rugged trails, alpine vistas, mountain peaks, sore muscles, and crossing the finish line in Easton, WA.

Despite my gut feeling and well, my body telling me otherwise, we bought our plane tickets, booked an airbnb and the decision was finally made with a mere week left until race day.

On August 25th at 10am, I began the trek of 100 miles across the Cascade Mountains. Now, a couple months later, I shake my head at myself. I knew at the start line that I shouldn’t have been there and I continued to question my decision every step of the way. Not only was I still not healed- still hadn’t ran, but I was dealing with recovering from a cold, the wheezing in my breathing was a constant reminder of poor decision making.

The race normally known for its unbearable heat, was cold and rainy this year. The weeks leading up to the race, Washington and most of the PNW were dealing with fires and an overwhelming amount of smoke so the rain was welcomed with open arms.

I’d like to tell you that the entire thing was a mistake, running 100 miles when your body is not ready is pretty stupid. However, despite feeling pretty terrible most of the time, I was able to see an incredible amount of friends out on the course and even got to run half the race with Hilary and Ely. Those miles shared were pretty rough but shared with those two, made it an experience to remember- definitely would say it was type 2 fun! We supported each other, cheered on the grunts and howls and lifted each other up when times were low. Not only was I able to share those miles with two friends, I also picked up Eamon at Hyak Aid, mile 55, being my crew and pacer, this was a great test to our relationship! We continued off with Hilary and her pacer but not even a mile out of the aidstation, my posterior tibial tendon pain resurfaced and left me walking, tears flowing down my face. I waved goodbye to Hilary as she continued to run and debated whether I should just end this quest now, giving it a good 55 miles of trying. Eamon encouraged me to continue, despite my meltdown, and we continued forward.

The miles passed slowly, as my moods went from one extreme to the other as Eamon, the incredible partner that he is, continued with his positive pep talks and occasional embraces when my mood was at an all time low and perhaps a bit snappy. As the miles krept by, my eyes demanding sleep, I felt empty of all sources of energy and I couldn’t imagine the finish line. I’ve never experienced feeling this low during any ultra and didn’t know how to manage all the negativity that were surfacing. This person had taken over my body- this negative and sad person kept repeating the word can’t.

Thank you Eamon for letting me borrow your socks and I’m sorry I put a hole in them :( Fantastic photo by Glenn!

Thank you Eamon for letting me borrow your socks and I’m sorry I put a hole in them :( Fantastic photo by Glenn!

Genuinely happy to see Glenn again toward the top of Thorp. This climb seemed never ending. Before the 6 mile descent of my bodies destruction and unwillingness to move faster than a crawl.

Genuinely happy to see Glenn again toward the top of Thorp. This climb seemed never ending. Before the 6 mile descent of my bodies destruction and unwillingness to move faster than a crawl.

I can’t do this, I kept repeating to myself. Not only was I vocal about this belief but in my my mind believed what I was saying. I can’t do this, I repeated. My body was in a whirl of hurt, at this point it wasn’t just my shin but my right hip and my overall posture was slumped over trying to find a running position that wasn’t painful. In past races, I’d have a second, third, fourth wind, however, here there was no second chances- I was giving it my all.

“Don’t believe everything you think. Thoughts are just that- thoughts.”
After a month of not drinking, I enjoyed a few sips of beer at the finish line… until the dehydration and headache hit me.

After a month of not drinking, I enjoyed a few sips of beer at the finish line… until the dehydration and headache hit me.

I crossed the finish line after 27 hours and 3 minutes of running. After years of envisioning running this race, I had never pictured the day to end like this. I wanted so badly to perform in such a way that when I couldn’t physically achieve that goal, I barely held on for dear life, exhausting all resources and crying a shit ton. I was disappointed in myself as an athlete, not just because I felt as though I could do better, but because I risked my health and my body to get to this point. Was it worth it? The belt buckle, the Hardrock qualifier, adding another month of not running? The race itself, was incredible! The volunteers, the runners, the supporters, the course (even in the cold) were all what I dreamed of, but was it worth injuring myself further? I can’t honestly answer that question. Despite being left with another injury that left me hobbling around for a month after the race, everything that happened during those 27 hours was an experience I wouldn’t trade, a hard lesson learn. It’s amazing the things we can train our minds to believe, for the best or for the worst.

It was then, weeks later, when I stopped focusing on how long it would take me to hobble to work, or worry about getting Juniper proper exercise, when I stopped stressing at the idea of getting back to my normal self and just let myself be, that I was able to heal. I remember the moment I took notice, I ran up my parents stairs to say hi and stopped at the top- light switch just flipped, realizing that I had just RAN up the stairs with zero pain and without effort. I realized I hadn’t been late to work lately and that I was able to cross the street before the hand started blinking and without hobbling. My body was feeling good and most importantly, I was happy!

With two weeks of transitioning the miles back into my routine and then three solid weeks of running in the mountains under my belt, I’m finally feeling back to myself. Injuries are no joke and the time it takes to heal and recover should be taken seriously, an idea I’m learning to grasp. Despite being injured, I look back at my summer and am amazed at how positive my reaction toward it is. Yes, perhaps I couldn’t run most of the summer but that time wasn’t wasted. I was able to build a healthy and loving relationship with an incredible human being, do other activities other than running that I’ve sidelined in the past, and I got to watch my best friend Rhea finish her first 100 mile race (also Cascade Crest), among many other things. I’ve always defined myself as a runner but it’s not what makes me, me. These last few months helped me realized that this one sport doesn’t define me as a person, but it’s the choices I make in the end that controls my happiness and overall well being.

Since Cascade Crest, I’ve been able enjoy time away from running, spending a few week in Peru as well climbing in the Sierra and just spending quality time with my family, friends and boyfriend. As much as I tried to write about my trip to Peru with Run Like A Girl, I felt as though I needed to get this specific experience off my chest (don’t worry, more adventure posts to come!). The negative feelings clouded my overall experience and writing about it helped me grasp all the good things and all the great memories I had made during that journey. As I embark on my next adventure, packing my bags for Mexico, I feel as though all that stress and negativity is behind me and the happy go lucky Sawna has returned and is ready for the next Chapter to begin.

Till next time!

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A playlist featuring Colony House, Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness, Kodaline, and others